I had a couple of lessons on a real man’s motorcycle back in Feb and decided that I wanted to learn how to ride and get a proper bike. The only problem with this logic is that I am rubbish on a real bike, having spent my time on a twist and go scooter, the concept of the clutch and brake in different locations has almost caused me to be thrown of so many times.

The instructor was very patient informing me through my earpiece that I have just driven through a Stop sign, I am driving too slow and that I being overtaken by a disability scooter, that I have missed my turning, I need to change up from first gear when I am travelling at 40mph, the list is endless.

So we decided to put Sasha up for sale (the bright yellow scooter we have) and look at buying a proper bike for me to learn on, after 1 month of advertising, we mainly had calls from a company that “have buyers interested in buying the bike, providing we pay them first” and an eastern european chappie who wished to view the bike with his wife, but then mysteriously never appeared.

Earlier this week a girl sent a text message through with the perfect grammar of “You still had bike for sale”, she called me in a thick european accent and the conversation went a little along the lines:

Girl: I wish for to buy bike, where am you living

Me: In York

Girl: Where is please?

Me: York in Yorkshire

Girl: Is this far from London

Me: Err yes, about 200miles plus a bit

Girl: I can get train to you yes, then drive bike back, how long this take

Me: How long this take, what the train or to ride the bike back at a speed limited 62mph

Girl: I ride on motorway

Me: Well if you are legal to do so, but it would take a long time to get back

Girl: It ok I like colour so I want to buy

Me: Forgive me, but are you real or is this a joke

Girl: It real I want buy it

So after this conversation, I started to receive more texts exclaiming that she would arrive by train on Sunday with cash only to buy bike and ride back. Now I started to get a little more suspicious about this, especially since she refused to use electronic transfer or bankers drafts. Thoughts of being handed hookey money and seeing Sasha ride off into the distance, with a girl giving a false name and address, started to flood into my mind.

We decided not to sell since there was too much risk associated with this transaction, but still the texts kept coming, “I very genuine, no funny business” “I want bike, you have no risk for sale”. Sorry call me jaded or a complete cynic, but trust of fellow humans is so far down on the list that we eventually told the girl that the sale was totally off and we would not sell to her at all.

So we still have Sasha and I still need to have some more experience on a geared bike to prevent me from killing myself. In the meantime I have sat my bike theory test, what a complete waste of time and money that is and I have under 2 years to pass the bike test or I need to take it all again.

So there you go, the moral here is if you are going to buy a scooter in a city known for bikes and scooters, make sure it is a well known make that everyone will want, not one that looks like a giant canary that has been stretched and squashed.

Its Saturday morning and Spike the cat gets his own back for being left inside all week by jumping on us at some unearthly hour in the morning & wailing at some unmeasurable decibel level in our ears.  Joy! 

Well, its official, Craig has gone back to work, been there for two weeks already and in his words “has done very little yet”.  Meanwhile, I’m on a roll- the last permanent member of IT left yesterday, my contractor has just quit to pursue a career in the NHS and has kindly offered just a weeks notice,  I have several hundred applications for two permanent roles all from people outside the UK, where English appears to be their 4th or 5th language (not even second) currently residing in a country thousands of miles from the UK, without a work visa but able to start Monday courtesy of this wonderful governments open door policy, oh and some bus driver from Dagenham who has a PC at home and can drive a bendy bus.  I can see this recruitment lark taking a while! 

Anyway, away from the work stuff, we’ve been very busy, drinking, sleeping, a bit more drinking, the odd movie and then spending hours irritating the cat, all told, fun times at the Allan household!  Still, following my successful introduction to Indian food we’ve made Friday nights at the local a bit of a thing  – curry things for Craig, sweet coconut & pineapple things for me, washed down with a small tipple, a stagger back and plenty of snoring!

Next month we have decided to go visit the Folks in Ireland (takes us a month to prep the Livers before we go!), we’re off for the Bank Holiday, flying straight into Knock (no doubt Craig will sample the alcofrol on the EASY-BMI-RYAN-JET-AIR and the hospitality offfered at £5 per smile or £10 per pleasantry).  The plan is to annoy the folks with the American itinerary (yes it will be bound & neatly presented by then Stu!), finalise the trip details and then sample the local delights of that there Ireland (rain, mud, clouds and cold weather).  You never know, it might even be dry and not windy this time we visit!

We did manage to watch a wierd film the other night – Southland Tales, starring Duane “The Rock” Johnson (oh how silly must his mortgage application look, Name: The Rock, Occupation: Useless actor who has to strip in every film he stars in) and Sarah Michelle Geller.  A must see but don’t try to understand it.  The best bit – Justin Timberlake wearing a cool t-shirt and singing “I’ve got Soul but I’m not a Soldier”.  If you can’t be bothered to watch the film, check out Utube which has the clip – very good.  Been singing it all week.

Anyway – must dash, Spike needs pushing across the floor again, he’s not impressed that we’re not paying attention!

We plan to celebrate this evening (and commiserate) since Craig managed to bag a really good job today.  Starting on April 1st (yes it is a real job and not an April Fool’s joke, or we hope not anyway!)  its back to stuff he knows lots about  – taking the mickey out of everyone around, practical jokes, being argumentative – oops I meant to say software development.  So, now all the practical aspects kick in – we need another car again for instance.  Then there is the sharing out of the chores – and I thought I’d managed to avoid them!

But is the dream over, our escaping the rat race and seeing distant shores??  Well, not so much over as on hold until we rebuild the coffers a little.  We’ve still lots of dreams and plenty of plans in place and we will make each one happen – of course a large windfall at this stage would assist with the plans (ps any rich distant rellies out there wanting an orphan to claim?).  We did try to claim Craig was the original inspiration for Tin Tin or of course Jimmy Somervilles love child (and if you know who we are talking about it would take some leap of the imagination for that one) but unfortunately he lost his hair before we could get the claim to court – so lost out there!

But, back to the grind then, at least until October when we do the Folk Tour.  And as to me – well, one month as Head of IT and I’m quite proud to share with you all that I have managed to lose the entire original support team – yup every one of them has resigned (hoo harr, I’m NASTY).  So fun and games all around me at the moment.

Spike, the flabby lay-around is now on an enforced diet which  might have been as easy to offer him a gastric band or something, lots of faff weighing out bits of food only to watch the cat devour it in seconds and wail for more. 

And this week we mourn the last of the Pear Dare, supped earlier on by yours truly – delish!

So, to the weekend, a fab meal planned by sexy chef Craig, champagne to celebrate his new job offer and plenty of laying around doing nothing.  Enjoy the weekend everyone.  Next week for us workers its a shorter one!!

I suggested this morning that we went off to visit the shops.  A brief car trip to the York Designer Outlet for a wander around inside seemed a good idea so off we went.  The intention was window shopping only!  Hmm, one new coat, a suit and several tops later, it seemed sensible to get out of there while the bank balance was still unaware of the ££s I’d just spent.

The best bit…..got a pair of new jeans in a Size 8 – woo hoo, haven’t been that since my school days (too bad its the American size, but I’m not telling anyone but you about that!)