Yes siree, dentists and the NHS approach really does blow!

So whilst we were in Wales, we managed to secure an NHS dentist, not fantastic but a quick check around your gob to make sure it was all ok (p.s people in Wales also get FREE prescriptions, paid for by the UK Tax Payer). Due to work we moved back to the North of England and then the fun begins, this government doesn’t want people to have bad teeth and wants them to look after themselves, right, no wrong.

We spent the best part of 2 months hunting high and low for an NHS dentist, with no luck what so ever, apparently you need to register on a website and then wait for a dentist to call you, if one feels like getting in touch and has any space. So the annual check-up came around and begrudgingly we paid for a private check-up, oh my god. It would appear that I have a gold mine situated behind my teeth, either that or the Bank of England. It costs £70 minimum for a checkup, thats £3.50 for each minute that some bloke waffles at you about the state of the NHS, blah, blah, blah. Then you need to have some woman show you how to brush your teeth at a cost of £38, thats £1.90 per minute. Then if you need a filling the prices start at around £50 per filling heading up to a dizzy £70 or £80.

You even get a lecture from the friendly dentist on how Switzerland has banned amalgum fillings now, sorry pal we aint in Switzerland. On top of all that one of the first things that is discussed is you taking out a “dental plan”, now you know it makes sense, “ah you fit in to Category B, so that’s £18 to cover you just in case you need some work doing”. I’m sure that it does make sense, it’s just the fact that in this country we should have to start taking out any kind of health plan, either provide an NHS service or don’t it shouldn’t be a mix and match.

It’s just daylight robbery, I mean “at least Dick Turpin Wore a mask”, come on there is no way to justify such costs.

Eventually we got a call, 7 months after registering with the NHS website thingy, to be told that we could join a dental practice, one that only sees patients on a Wednesday (bloody part-timers). So appointments made, off I pop. Now cast your mind back (is that even possible, hold on head I’m just gonna through my mind back to the good ole days) to dentists of yonder year, well that’s where I ended up. The dentist chair was like out of the 1970’s, a hospital metal frame with a little cloth on it and a foot pump to lift or lower the chair. The gentle laying backwards motion can only be described as being shunted from behind in your car, whilst the rinse and spit sink looked as though it had seen many pigs slaughtered in the local butcher shop. Hanging from the ceiling was the world’s oldest xray machine (the ones that look like a 1950’s B-movie laser cannon, painted in a battleship grey) alongside a 1 million candle light fitting. As for the scale and polish, having to insist that the dentist wash the scaling device after it has been dropped on the floor is never a good sign.

After all this £15.90 for a checkup and xrays, so why cost so much on private then? And now NHS are introducing a wonderful new rule, bear in mind it takes you months or sometimes even years to get a dentist, well they are going for “2 strikes and you’re out”, if you cancel an appointment with less than 24 hours notice then that counts as a strike, have two of those bad boys and you are kicked off their books, go figure. Apparently according to the hand crayoned poster on the wall “last month 25 patients did not attend their appointments, costing the dentist 9 hours worth of lost time” and costing the NHS millions, mmmm I think not, try getting rid of the over priced middle managers and save a fortune more like. Now you do the math:

9 hours is 540 minutes

540 minutes divided by 25 patients equals 21.6 mins per patient

Not one to quibble (yeh right), but my appointment was delayed by 15 minutes (even though I had arrived 10 minutes early) and I was with the dentist for less than 10 minutes, so who got my other 11.6 minutes.

So back to the original point, the government want people to be slim, healthy and with good teeth, yet, you can’t get a dentist for love nor money and when you do, you can’t miss any appointments or you get booted off the list and have to go private. So I ask you what good is the NHS anyway?