Mrs Fogg just had to get her 10 item feeder out for the birds, with the trusty squibble dome.
Seen tonight was Ninja squibble after plucking half a coconut off the tree and spending an age trying to drag it away only to have to leave it when Mr Spike came to investigate. You could just see Mr Squibble saying Bugga!
And this is one of them, an email exchange
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 11.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: R.S.V.P.
Dear Matthew,
Thankyou for the party invite. At first glance I thought it may be a childs party what with it being vibrant and having balloons but I realise you probably did your best with what little tools were available. I wouldnt miss it for the world. What time would you like me there?
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 3.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hi David
Sorry the note was just to let you know that we might be a bit loud that night. The house warming is really just for friends and family but you can drop past for a beer if you like.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 5.41pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Thanks Matthew,
Including me in your list of friends and family means a lot. You and I dont tend to have long discussions when we meet in the hallway and I plan to put a stop to that. Next time we bump into each other I intend to have a very long conversation with you and I am sure you are looking forward to that as much as I am. I have told my friend Ross that you are having a party and he is as excited as I am. Do you want us to bring anything or will everything be provided?
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hi David
As I said, my housewarming is just for friends and family. There is not a lot of room so cant really have to many people come. Sorry about that mate.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 2.36pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Dear Matthew,
I can appreciate that, our apartments are not very large are they? I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down. I understand the problems of space restrictions all too well. If you would like to store some of your furniture at my place during the party you are quite welcome to – if we move your cane furniture into my spare room for the night and scatter cushions on the ground, that would provide a lot more seating and create a cozy atmosphere at the same time. I have a mirror ball that you can borrow.
I have told Ross not to invite anyone else due to the space constraints so it will just be us two and my other friend Simon. When I told Simon that Ross and I were going to a party he became quite angry that I had not invited him as well so I really didnt have any choice as he can become quite violent. Sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him. So just myself, Ross and Simon. Simons girlfriend has a work function on that night but might come along after that if she can get a lift with friends.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 4.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 6.12pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hi Matthew,
I understand it is an exclusive party and I appreciate you trusting my judgement on who to bring. I just assumed you have cane furniture, doesnt everybody? Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic, it is not only strong but lightweight and attractive. Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligans Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island? That was the best one in my opinion. I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones – I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all. They have freckles all over their body did you know? Its the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.
Anyway, Ross rang me today all excited about the party and asked me what the theme is, I told him that I dont think there is a theme and we discussed it and feel that it should be an eighties themed party. I have a white suit and projector and am coming as Nik Kershaw. I have made a looping tape of wouldnt it be good to play as I am sure you will agree that this song rocks and has stood the test of time well.
I am in the process of redesigning your invites appropriately and will get a few hundred of them printed off later today. I will have to ask you for the money for this as print cartridges for my Epson are pretty expensive. They stopped making this model a month after I bought it and I have to get the cartridges sent from China. Around $120 should cover it. You can just pop the money in my letter box if I dont see you before tonight.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Wednesday 10 Dec 2008 11.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
What the fuck are yout alking about? There is no theme for the party it is just a few friends and family. noone else can come IT IS ONLY FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY do you understand? Do not print anything out because I am not paying for something I dont need and didnt ask you to do! look I am sorry but i am heaps busy and that night is not convenient. Are you in Apatrment1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 9.15am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hello Matthew,
I agree that it is not very convenient and must admit that when I first received your invitation I was perplexed that it was on a Sunday night but who am I to judge? No, I am in apartment 3B. Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you. I also agree with you that having a particular theme for your party may not be the best choice, it makes more sense to leave it open as a generic fancy dress party, that way everyone can come dressed in whatever they want.
Once, I went to a party in a bear outfit which worked out well as it was freezing and I was the only one warm. As it wont be cold the night of your party, I have decided to come as a ninja. I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them. If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black t-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night.
It is a little hard to breathe in the costume so I will need you to keep the window open during the party to provide good air circulation. Actually, I just had a thought, how awesome would it be if I arrived through the window like a real ninja. We should definitely do that. I just measured the distance between our balconies and I should be able to jump it. I once leaped across a creek that was over five metres wide and almost made it.
Also, you mentioned in your invitation that if there was anything I needed, to let you know. My car is going in for a service next week and I was wondering, seeing as we are good friends now, if it would be ok to borrow yours on that day? I hate catching the bus as they are full of poor people who dont own cars.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 3.02pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
WTF? No you cant borrow my car and there is no fucking 3B. I reckon you are that guy from Apartment 1. You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends. What the fuck is wrong with you??? The only people invited are friends and family I told you that. It is just drinks there is no fucking fancy dress and only people i know are coming! I dont want to be rude but jesus fucking christ man.
From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 14 Dec 2008 2.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Party
Hello Matthew,
I have been away since Thursday so have not been able to check my email from home. Flying back late today in time for the party and just wanted to say that we are really looking forward to it. Will probably get there around eleven or twelve, just when it starts to liven up. Simons girlfriend Cathys work function was cancelled so she can make it afterall which is good news. She will probably have a few friends with her so they will take the minivan. Also, I have arranged a Piñata.
Regards, David.
Now we have a 1/3 of an acre to mow (when I say we, that doesn’t normally extend to both actually doing the work, one usually supervises whilst supping wine) its bye bye Argos stalwart, hello F1 shiny self propelled petrol monster complete with Carlos Fandango Super Wide racing wheels and go faster stripes. According to Mrs Fogg I have to wait until the grass grows before I can now the lawn (not a euphemism honest guv). Still we did brighten the day for the ole codger at Q&B by asking his advice on what to buy, even though he was obviously more clueless than us.
This is the demon mower sat patiently waiting for grass.
Ok, so what the hell have you been sniffing I hear you ask? in our new garden sits Tree Beard, a gnarly old tree, so impressive they actually built a fence around him complete with large plastic bags that must have been there for over a year. My idea was to use my finely honed ninja skills to gracefully shimmy the tree to pull them off (personally I would have preferred to fly through the air like a dodgy martial arts movie except I pick the day when the wire operators take the day off), Turfman came up with the imminently more sensible, yet less spectacular approach of lassoing them (obviously unaware of my alter ego as the Lasso Kid). So Q&B 8mm x 30 meter lasso I ropes the first branch in one throw (told you I was good) and pulled it down sufficiently to start pulling the plastic off, one hand holding the ropes and one foot on the end of the rope to stop it springing up (visions of a cartoon Mr Fogg being shot into the air Wily Coyote Stylee). First bag off with Fluffy helping we moves onto the second higher branch. several lasso throws later and no joy until success we hooked the branch, however it was blocked by a bigger thicker branch, no worries, the Lasso Kid will use his Superman style strength to bend the branch down, no such luck as with one mighty roar (more of a whimper, but hey) he actually ripped the 20 foot long, 3 inch thick branch off catapulting him into the gate with the force of a forceful thing Job done, no task too big or too small for the Lasso Kid and Fluffy (the trusty sidekick). Step aside Bret Riverboat, take a hike Riviera Kid and go back to sleep Desperate Dan McGraw, we is on the case.
After sweet talking BT into getting a go live for more or less the day we moved in, we sat and waited at our appointed time, which came and went without sight of a highly skilled BT man. 5 minutes after the agreed time we got a text telling us that due to the completion of Line Plant works our appointment will not occur, what the hell does that even mean? other than Oops we forgot. To add insult to injury we then get a text telling us that since we had missed our appointment we would need to reschedule!
Mr Angry was on the phone to BT the next day (well we are in a black hole of telecoms, no mobile reception, no landline and no slowband, sorry broadband. Ah Mr Angry my name is Delores and I am being your home moving assistant today, oh god! Eventually appointment rebooked for another weeks time, what you have to understand Mr Angry is that this issue was unforeseen since no survey has been carried out, really so the BT man who came out 4 days earlier and stood looking at the telegraph pole was a bird watcher was he!
So awaiting the next excuse from BT (Bloody Terrible) which will be we have a tree in the way and it will need cutting back, but then the bird watcher will have spotted that!!!!!
Here we are in an age of technology where the third world are on 4g comms and in this supposed forward thinking country we can’t even get a sodding piece of cable run from a telegraph pole to a house.
Grrrr it makes my blood boil.
Still a stack of boxes to unpack and Mrs Fogg’s persistent requirement to add more things to make it a nice home.
No telephone despite confirmations from BT, and not the slightest bit surprised that they failed to deliver a service at the appointed time, let’s face it they are rubbish! No mobile signal so we are in the black hole of telecoms.
We do actually have a house sign now and a web address for the house (how sad), but since we have no broadband we can do nothing with it.
Here’s to one and all from the current occupants of Wai Nui (why newey) which is Maori for big water (now why do you think it’s called that?).
Good luck to Mr & Mrs CaddyFrog redoing their front room and Mr & Mrs Lucky who move into Tyddyn Yr Helyg today in the snow!
Beacon House has now been returned and we have finished opposite the graveyard. Mr Spike is settling in exploring his new house and we still have a few boxes left, but essentially we are in.
Now we can have a chill.
So, two very tired people last night were in our dining room trying to figure out how to get the hifi back into its box. It was definitely a husband and wife disagreement: Well YOU got it out, can’t you remember how the polystyrene fitted, Well YOUre the technical geek, and on and on we went……….. we tried before tea for about 40 mins, then after tea. My logic- throw the damn packaging, get bubble wrap. No no says Mr Fogg, ever the persistent type, it came out, it WILL go back in.
And then I noticed we were trying to put it into the box for the TV surround sound………………..
No comment!
[Posted from Mrs Foggs super cool iphone]
