Mr Grumpy takes on the mindless minions that cause the problems.
Picture the scene, in my rarely taken 30 min lunch, I walked 10 mins to Stockton centre (aka dump), leaving 10mins to walk back and 10 mins to get cash from the bank. Scene successfully set, now to act1, scene1.
in walks I to be greeted by your A-typical bank assistant (NHS specs, greased hair and pinstripe suit, Gordon Gheko he was not, did I tell you my theory about pinstripes, well the fewer the stripes on the suit, the bigger the merchant banker they are, anyway one digresses), “withdrawing, or deposit, sir” (how can anyone make the word sir, sound like you git, I hate you, I wish the dolphins ruled the world, oops, sorry), “why” enquires I, “well if you want to deposit see Sharon, but a withdrawal has to be dealt with by jo”, “ok so let me get this straight, if I want to take my cash out I have to queue to see her, whereas she is equally as skilled and has no queue”, “yes sir”, “ok, why”, “well sir we are striving to reduce queues, by ensuring quick transactions can be dealt with quickly” “err, by quick transaction you mean a withdrawal where there is a queue, whilst deposits there is no-one” “yes, sir”. Ok being of logical thought process and enjoying a challenge, I decided to press on, “so you agree that in striving to streamline your process, all that has happened is that you have simply created a bottleneck, over burdened one employee and remove almost any work from the other”, “no sir, it is a new initiative to make your banking experience more pleasurable and allowing you a faster banking visit”, “but it doesn’t work, see question above”, “ah sir you are missing the bigger picture”, “which is?”, “to streamline your experience and speed up your visit”, “can I refer you to the same question above”, “this scheme has proven most effective in reducing queues and customer waiting times”, “so to enhance my visit, and speed up my access to my cash, you want me to queue, whilst there is a teller twiddling her thumbs, hoping someone will deposit some cash and relieve her tedium”, “yes sir, it works very well and deals efficiently with customer needs and reduces queues”, “err, no it doesn’t, and what do you do in all of this”, “I am the deputy manager and I help guide people to the right window”, “so can’t you use a till”, “yes I can sir”, “so why don’t you and help to reduce the queue”, “because sir, I am guiding people to the right queue to help reduce waiting time”, “so whilst I am debating the finer qualities of time management with you, you will notice that the queue to withdraw cash hasn’t moved, whilst no-one has come to put money in, so explain to me again what you have achieved”.
I could have spent hours on this I was having fun, “love to stay and debate what you are doing wrong, but I can’t queue, I will use the machine outside”, “ah, you can’t sir, it’s out of money”, “well who can refill it”, “only the manager or his deputy”, “cool that would be you then”, “no sir I am pointing people to the right window”, “I may be thick here, so let me lay it out logically”, “if you must sir”, “I must, to withdraw I must queue, correct”, “yes, sir”, “to deposit I don’t need to queue”, “correct”, “you point people to the right window, but could help to reduce the queue, by jumping on a till instead of wasting everyones time”, “errr”, “or in busy periods, i.e now, let them use either teller, or even refill the bloody machine, to save queuing or debating stupid incentives with you”, “errr, tell you what sir, why not use this till here to save queuing”, success.
As I approach the bored looking teller, she utters “withdrawal or deposit”, so in my most polite tone I say “withdrawal and before you say, use the other window, just don’t!”, she glanced over my shoulder with a knowing look from deputy that said, just give him his cash and get him out of here.
Potty Time or wot!!!
