And here is the finished product, 3m of chipboard and Formica, 12 hours of blood sweat and beers.
IKEA! Nuff said
Reply
This weekend is the Bridlington Elvis Weekender. The Caddies and us were due to spend the weekend chilling and being very large children larking around at the seaside. unfortunately Mrs Caddie is a little under the weather at the moment so we’ve had to give the larking a miss- well we cannot very well go be silly Elvis fans without our partners in crime can we (yes we know Evis left the building some time ago)??
So what to do with a spare weekend??? Well, we decided it was a great idea to order wall to wall wardrobes from Ikea and set them up in the guest bedroom. they duly arrived on Saturday morning, all 29 boxes of the stuff. Oh dear.
Cue Mr Fogg and I spending around 12 hours hard labour fitting Ikea bolt together packs in place. Wardrobe carcasses times 4, goodness knows how many screws and oh what a good idea two big sliding doors are, complete with 64 screws just to put the doors together with. We’ve finally finished….phew. Two very very very shattered Foggies.
Hey, we have grass now too. We did our first cut and it looks good, despite all the bare bits. So off I went to retrieve the bag of grass seed from the garage to sow in the bald bits. This was a bit like being back in Tyddyn- we have mice. In the garage, they are partial to chomping through grass seed, eating bird seed (after munching through plastic bags to get to it) and the blighters have even eaten through my bags of compost.
We have declared war. Two mouse traps in place, we are on to you……let’s just hope they do not find the house.
We sowed the remaining grass seed on the lawn, feeding the rather large wood pigeon population as we went (buggas), dodging squirrels charging around and watching Mr Spike limping in the house.
You see Mr Spike is enjoying his new home but not the neighbourhood. This is farm cat territory, and there are two big bruiser Toms who have declared our garden the war zone. Cue two lost collars, and one beaten up cat. Poor. Spike, last week he tries his best and did a proper running leap onto Tom1, rolling over and fur flying, but still he’s the underdog. We get to nurse his wounds and cheer him up. Cue wardrobe building….Spike laid supervising (or was that laughing) at our antics.
I’m not moving again, and if we did we have both decided to burn those Bloomin wardrobes where they are- we are not, we repeat, not, dismantling them and rebuilding. Life is just too short for that.
And now for that long awaited glass of wine each. Bedtime yet anyone?
[Posted from Mrs Foggs super cool iphone]
Nice herly night for us, nothing on the telly, oh what to do :-p
Or so we thought until the garage spotlight came on, was it a rogue, a wierdy sniffing around, nope a lowly little hedgehog looking for all the leaves to hide in, after Mrs Fogg has cleared them all.
Oh well.
So here I am again sat on my lonesome in a hotel restaurant sans kiddy party this time. In walks a pair of coffin dodging colonial cousins fresh from a day walking around “Nailsworth” (which has one ATM, one shop and one hotel). Bob and Betty sit down trying to decipher the menu and call over the waitress, “Hi there Missy, so this menu has two options, 2 courses for 12 of your British Pounds and 3 courses for 14 of your British Pounds”, “That’s right sir”, “So answer me this missy, does that mean on the 3 course I can have any 3 courses”, “yes sir”, “but does that mean I can have 3 of your mains”, “err no sir it means you can have any starter, any main and any dessert from the list”, “but I want 3 of your mains for that deal”, “are you serious sir”, “most definitely”, “well I’m sorry that is not how it works”, “well this is what I want so how are you going to help me”, “err, I can’t sir”, “well get someone who can”.
This exchange went on again with the manager to the same end, a standoff, one wanting 3 mains and the other refusing to do that for the meal deal. Eventually the ole farts got up and left, shame there were no other restaurants in the area. But hey it brightened up an otherwise dull evening.
Motorway Matrix signs, generally useless information displayed on these massive screens “don’t drive with your eyes closed”, “you are currently sat in a queue”. I have always wanted to remote control these bad boys to put banal messages up to make people smile on their dull journeys “Hug Me” (from LA Story if you’ve ever seen it). But today on the road to The place frequented by Dr Foster, I saw a sign and just wanted to amend it for the sheer fun. The sign read “London Olympics 2012 prepare your journey in advance” what it should have read was “London Olympics, your tax pounds down the drain, but if you want to go then prepare to start queuing NoW!”
Personally I shall not be watching the Olympics (not even the ladies gymnastics) since the billions it has cost could have been put to better use.
After a tough week we decided to chill out and go to the local arty house pictures to watch a little Denzel. Let’s start with a simple meal of Fish and Chips. Now the clue here is its Fish, yet every person coming in was asked “are you wantin fish”, err what else would we want, followed by the spotty yoof shouting to the err “Chef” 2 fish for the fella, 3 fish for this woman, and on and on. We were amused watching this exchange, yet no-one was getting food. Eventually the yoof was replaced after Mr Chef had a stack of fish and customers, dawp! (Oh my Cod, sorry).
Any way only just fed in time to go see the movie (Duty Manager in full flow, not sure how the coffee machine works, or where any programmes were). All told a good film but the best bit was the VW advert at the start, I will never be able to watch Toy Story again. Want to know why? go onto that there pootoob and look for “VW advert about toy story”. And this in a pg15, oh my.
Just like Dante my journey started and I entered the gate of hell and did not like it, to explain…..
I have to spend some time in a little place near an even smaller place near Gloucester for the company I happen to be spending some time with (illusive enough for you) and I stop at the same hotel, wier, water wheel, ducks, yada yada, in the same room (the bridal suite, not sure about that one) and eat in the same empty restaurant, apart from this week. If the horned one had sprogs they would not have been called Damien, but Otto and Milo with Ya Ya Mummy. Ya Ya Mummy brought said seed of the Fireman for a family meal (Uncle Fester, Mortitia, Gomez, Wednesday and Pugsley), but could not be Arr Sed looking after the Demon brats who persisted in playing Hide and Scream ever so bloody loudly miles from the Family de Scum. Tis not enough that you have had a long tiring day and the restaurant can only cope with 3 people at a time, to add these horrible little ankle biters into the mix. Now I ain’t a lover of kids (not only did I miss that boat, but I dont think I was even interested where the dock was) and yes I used to be one, but I was never sent to play in the other side of the restaurant so that I didn’t annoy my family. The restaurant dare not ask Ya Ya Mummy to control their kids for fear of upsetting them, so I did the only thing a responsible adult could do (yeh I know, too big words and one sentence), I stuck my foot out so that Otto ate laminate, that stopped the screaming, but did start the bawling, doh!
Skanky granny came a wobbling through to see what had happened to poor lil Otto and proceeded to pull his pants down in full view of all the other people trying to eat to check his knees, even though the demon child was holding his head (alternate medicine methods back in granny’s day). Still she eventually saw sense, or me snarling at her like a rabid dog and dragged Otto off for a nice bit of a chocolate sugar rush.
Gate passed, onto the first circle!
Welcome to McFoggys the uber feed station for the birds and the taunting snacks for Mr Squirrel.
Mrs Fogg just had to get her 10 item feeder out for the birds, with the trusty squibble dome.
Seen tonight was Ninja squibble after plucking half a coconut off the tree and spending an age trying to drag it away only to have to leave it when Mr Spike came to investigate. You could just see Mr Squibble saying Bugga!
And this is one of them, an email exchange
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 11.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: R.S.V.P.
Dear Matthew,
Thankyou for the party invite. At first glance I thought it may be a childs party what with it being vibrant and having balloons but I realise you probably did your best with what little tools were available. I wouldnt miss it for the world. What time would you like me there?
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 3.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hi David
Sorry the note was just to let you know that we might be a bit loud that night. The house warming is really just for friends and family but you can drop past for a beer if you like.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 5.41pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Thanks Matthew,
Including me in your list of friends and family means a lot. You and I dont tend to have long discussions when we meet in the hallway and I plan to put a stop to that. Next time we bump into each other I intend to have a very long conversation with you and I am sure you are looking forward to that as much as I am. I have told my friend Ross that you are having a party and he is as excited as I am. Do you want us to bring anything or will everything be provided?
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hi David
As I said, my housewarming is just for friends and family. There is not a lot of room so cant really have to many people come. Sorry about that mate.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 2.36pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Dear Matthew,
I can appreciate that, our apartments are not very large are they? I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down. I understand the problems of space restrictions all too well. If you would like to store some of your furniture at my place during the party you are quite welcome to – if we move your cane furniture into my spare room for the night and scatter cushions on the ground, that would provide a lot more seating and create a cozy atmosphere at the same time. I have a mirror ball that you can borrow.
I have told Ross not to invite anyone else due to the space constraints so it will just be us two and my other friend Simon. When I told Simon that Ross and I were going to a party he became quite angry that I had not invited him as well so I really didnt have any choice as he can become quite violent. Sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him. So just myself, Ross and Simon. Simons girlfriend has a work function on that night but might come along after that if she can get a lift with friends.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 4.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 6.12pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hi Matthew,
I understand it is an exclusive party and I appreciate you trusting my judgement on who to bring. I just assumed you have cane furniture, doesnt everybody? Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic, it is not only strong but lightweight and attractive. Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligans Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island? That was the best one in my opinion. I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones – I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all. They have freckles all over their body did you know? Its the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.
Anyway, Ross rang me today all excited about the party and asked me what the theme is, I told him that I dont think there is a theme and we discussed it and feel that it should be an eighties themed party. I have a white suit and projector and am coming as Nik Kershaw. I have made a looping tape of wouldnt it be good to play as I am sure you will agree that this song rocks and has stood the test of time well.
I am in the process of redesigning your invites appropriately and will get a few hundred of them printed off later today. I will have to ask you for the money for this as print cartridges for my Epson are pretty expensive. They stopped making this model a month after I bought it and I have to get the cartridges sent from China. Around $120 should cover it. You can just pop the money in my letter box if I dont see you before tonight.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Wednesday 10 Dec 2008 11.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
What the fuck are yout alking about? There is no theme for the party it is just a few friends and family. noone else can come IT IS ONLY FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY do you understand? Do not print anything out because I am not paying for something I dont need and didnt ask you to do! look I am sorry but i am heaps busy and that night is not convenient. Are you in Apatrment1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 9.15am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
Hello Matthew,
I agree that it is not very convenient and must admit that when I first received your invitation I was perplexed that it was on a Sunday night but who am I to judge? No, I am in apartment 3B. Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you. I also agree with you that having a particular theme for your party may not be the best choice, it makes more sense to leave it open as a generic fancy dress party, that way everyone can come dressed in whatever they want.
Once, I went to a party in a bear outfit which worked out well as it was freezing and I was the only one warm. As it wont be cold the night of your party, I have decided to come as a ninja. I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them. If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black t-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night.
It is a little hard to breathe in the costume so I will need you to keep the window open during the party to provide good air circulation. Actually, I just had a thought, how awesome would it be if I arrived through the window like a real ninja. We should definitely do that. I just measured the distance between our balconies and I should be able to jump it. I once leaped across a creek that was over five metres wide and almost made it.
Also, you mentioned in your invitation that if there was anything I needed, to let you know. My car is going in for a service next week and I was wondering, seeing as we are good friends now, if it would be ok to borrow yours on that day? I hate catching the bus as they are full of poor people who dont own cars.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 3.02pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.
WTF? No you cant borrow my car and there is no fucking 3B. I reckon you are that guy from Apartment 1. You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends. What the fuck is wrong with you??? The only people invited are friends and family I told you that. It is just drinks there is no fucking fancy dress and only people i know are coming! I dont want to be rude but jesus fucking christ man.
From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 14 Dec 2008 2.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Party
Hello Matthew,
I have been away since Thursday so have not been able to check my email from home. Flying back late today in time for the party and just wanted to say that we are really looking forward to it. Will probably get there around eleven or twelve, just when it starts to liven up. Simons girlfriend Cathys work function was cancelled so she can make it afterall which is good news. She will probably have a few friends with her so they will take the minivan. Also, I have arranged a Piñata.
Regards, David.
No more do I have to string 40 extension leads together to mow the lawn. Ah memories of Tyddyn desperately attempting just such a feat with our cheap as chips Argos mower (capable of cutting 4cm wide at a time), cutting that grass took the best part of 4 hours and you had to keep an eye out for passing cars in case you got dragged along by the power leads!
Now we have a 1/3 of an acre to mow (when I say we, that doesn’t normally extend to both actually doing the work, one usually supervises whilst supping wine) its bye bye Argos stalwart, hello F1 shiny self propelled petrol monster complete with Carlos Fandango Super Wide racing wheels and go faster stripes. According to Mrs Fogg I have to wait until the grass grows before I can now the lawn (not a euphemism honest guv). Still we did brighten the day for the ole codger at Q&B by asking his advice on what to buy, even though he was obviously more clueless than us.
This is the demon mower sat patiently waiting for grass.