Finally at midnight yesterday Mr Fogg managed to get through on the phone to Emirates customer service about our suitcases. Now let’s just be clear – this was the number we were given for the team that were supposed to be retrieving our bags from the “in transit” container. The conversation went something like this:

Mr F: hi, I’m checking on the progress of retrieving our bags. Here’s the tag numbers. Can you check pls?

Emirates: certainly sir, I just need to do a security check. Can we have your inside leg measurement, eye colour, weight, foot size oh and blood type

After managing to navigate all that the conversation continued:

Mr F: Do you have an update on the bags please?

Emirates: Yes but no

Mr F: Eh? So have you managed to retrieve our bags?

Emirates: Well yes they are here at the airport but we don’t know where

Mr F: But we were told our request to retrieve them was triggered.

Emirates: oh we’ve not done anything with that

Mr F: we fly out of here on Monday though and still have no clothes

Emirates: I’m sorry sir but we have no clue where your bag is and no plans do do anything about that for some days

Mr F: How long will it take?

Emirates: we don’t know

Mr F: but we have no clothes or anything. Can we get a PIR number so we can report to our insurers to be able to claim as we will have to buy clothes

Emirates: oh you should have got that at the airport here

Mr F: your team said they could not issue one

Emirates: That is correct sir. Your luggage is not lost it is here

Mr F: So we can come get it?

Emirates: Oh no sir, we don’t know where it is

Mr F: so can we get a PIR as we are already out of pocket needing to buy more pants

Emirates: I’m very sorry sir that’s not my department. Have you tried washing them?

Mr F: Aaaarrrrrghhhhhh

Emirates: thank you for your call sir