It’s really cold out here mum, but I’m trying to stay warm in this empty bedding box. Blanket please!

In the field with a house in the corner, we are continuing to unpick the chintz left by Mr and Mrs Lawra Ashley and get to the nub of correcting things in this lovely house. Loft boarded and we’ve almost got the heating plant down to the total electric costs for Lichtenstein rather than Switzerland (after a lot of time, effort and cost) and now the latest item is complete.

The garage would have been drier inside without a roof instead of the colander that was in place. The roof actually held so much moisture that even when it wasn’t raining outside, it was inside!

Time for a local company to spring into action, ok so “spring into action” is probably to enthusiastic, maybe walked slightly faster into action. Out pop three gents, Curly, Larry and Mo the Three Roofeteers, to rip off the old and replace with something waterproof and guttering!

After 4 hours, eh voila

A nice shiny new “non-porous roof.

One of the workmen “Mo”, a rather large gentleman, who didn’t try to get on the roof (quite pleased about that), despite his assurance it would hold his 23 Stone. Mo asked to use the bathroom, not an unreasonable request, however for anyone that has seen Dreamcatcher (adaptation of the Stephen King novel), where the chappie has been eating too many berries and heads to the loo, let’s put it this way, we were battling with the monster left behind for a few hours afterwards.

Right what’s next, ahh yes a lean to, fix the patio door so it opens, replace 500 bricks, fix wobbly patio, re-seat the garden steps, fix and paint all the fences and some how connect the extractor hood to the outside vent.

Yup healthy regime time after the Chrimbo excesses. Healthy food, no drink and plenty of exercise. Fully enthused after a trip to the gym, Mrs Fogg decided to go for a run round the field in the driving snow. Next stop is bare knuckle press-ups on broken glass.

It would appear that the previous occupants of our field with a house in the corner, were obsessed with Laura Ashley chintz. If the company made it they bought it, however as we are unpicking we are finding all design and no substance.

In the latest investigation (post “Aisource Heat Pump” Gate), we have changed out the 3 Arc spotlights on the side of the house (these took 4 hours to warm up and could then be seen from Mars) these have been replaced with something a little more respectable and less nuclear power plant intense. On changing one of the lights, we have found this is wired directly into the mains, no switch and no easy way to disable it either, since you can’t trace where the power comes from, however despite this we have a solution as ever. But this isn’t the reason for this latest blog, no you see whilst hunting high and low (sounds like an 80s song from Aha) looking for the power source we decided to look above the cooker extractor, just in case, and sometimes really wish we hadn’t

Yup all that extracted smoke and air doesn’t actually vent outside since Mr and Mrs Laura Ashley didn’t actually bother to get the extractor hooked up. Again another challenge since it is behind this bespoke designer unit which will all need to come out

So that’s the next challenge, can’t wait to unearth the next item, oh that’s right we have, we need to replace the garage roof which appears to be made of a porous material, hey ho at least it looks pretty.

This rant was brought to you by a man on his 18,263 day on planet Mirth.

So our house is supposed to be GREEN, good insulation and running an “Airsource” heat pump which is greener than a green thing that is really really green. The idea is it sucks heat from the air and converts it to energy, yeh right!!

So no surprises then after a 33 day period of using this Uber efficient system to get our first electric bill £276, yup that’s right more in electric than we used in 4 months in an inefficient oil fired heating system in the last house.

So given we have a field, this is our next investment

Here’s to 2018, hope you all have a happy one.

So Kev came to visit and time for Christmas Turkey Dinner round 2 and some awesome prezzies

Early(ish) rise this am, with an early morning romp up the field to watch the world awaken.

Prezzies, Bucks Fizz and fun

Time to detect some ring pulls

And then the official siting of Mrs Fogg’s Gnome Land Security Gnome

Wishing you all well for Christmas and thoughts out to CaddyFrog who is back in hospital recovering. Our thoughts with you young man.

All wrapped up in bed ready for the fat guy in his sleigh.

Got the folks over for Christmas, so what better surprise than finding our severed head waiting for them in their bed.

Time to play cards against humanity then