Well what a fun packed weekend, driving over to Pops and Husky Voice (aka The Folks) at 6.30am to pickup Mrs Fogg, who went over to do the techy thing of setup their TV and their Amazon Echo, Amazon Echo (geddit). You can only imagine the fun that the kids are now having shouting at Alexa to play songs no-one wants to hear (anything by Cliff Richard, Dolly Parton to name but two).

So back to the gym at 9am for me and Mrs Fogg has her nails done (Purdy).

So then to the main event and time to make mincemeat of 2Tonne of trees cut down 2 weeks ago.

Picture the scene, me with safety helmet, ear defenders, chainsaw gloves and a pair of chainsaw trousers. Perfect, apart from the fact Mrs Fogg seems to have bought the trousers for a 15yr old, so I can just get into them, can’t button them up or bend over and I sing soprano when walking! Still not to be daunted by this blow, we got out our new shiny B&Q McAllister Chainsaw (forever now known as the “PieceOShit”), fuelled and oiled ready for the daunting task, perfect it goes through the logs like a hot knife through butter, Mrs Fogg in her Ear defenders, goggles and mask stacking and holding, me doing the manly bit of cutting, the downside, once we turned it off it would not start again. Picture me kneeling on the floor in my soprano trousers trying to pull the starter cord, and with each pull the trousers were digging further into the family jewels!

After 30 minutes we admitted defeat, the piece of garbage was not going to start. Back then to B&Q with the paper weight to get a full refund, only to be greeted by Ethel and Gertrude who promptly advised they couldn’t accept it coz it had fuel in it. Plan B then, buy a funnel, head off to the gents toilet and gently pour all the fuel out of the chainsaw into a bottle (we will not be defeated). job done.

So today we arose early with glee in our hearts and a skip in our step as we headed up into the field with a replacement McCulloch Chainsaw and still 2 Tonne to chop. After 5 hours we was pooped, logs chopped, some stacked to dry for us and some given to next door (they were actually their trees we had cut down anyway). The chainsaw is awesome, the trousers not so, back to shorts for me and the chance for baritone. And we are both knackered, sat down enjoying a nice drink of something before we cook our Tomahawk steaks from the Folks butcher. Believe me there will not even be a bone left!

And the end result tasted awesome