Warning Grumpy alert!

Here I am sat in the airport waiting for my fog bound plane at the start of the winter of discontent where people will strike at the most inappropriate time to maximise the inconvenience to others.

A pleasant evening at a airport hotel, with food in the restaurant having to be sent back twice, we clearly are unable to operate a microwave in a UK kitchen, so time to settle for a nights rest and a 4am rise, or not. I’m in room 14 and at 10pm just as I’m dozing, a family of 20 elephants plus brats arrive into room 12 and 16. Banging doors, screaming bouncing on beds, playing knock and run, got the full brunt of a game we like to call “Eff Off, you go first!”. The noise ensued until after telling the families what I thought of their parenting skills, I demanded moving to a totally different room at the opposite end of the building. Ah peace and quiet and 4 hours left to rest.

Off then to the fog bound airport and British airport security, remove your belt sir and your liquids, “I don’t have any”, our scanner shows you do, “well either your scanners faulty or the highly skilled operative doesn’t know what they are looking at”. Remove your shoes and step into the body scanner, “no, I do not want to go through the scanner”, well if you don’t then you will have to go off to a separate room and all your baggage will be searched, “really all my baggage that has already gone through the scanners will need to be searched, simply because I ask to be patted down instead of a ruddy great hospital X-ray machine on steroids deluging my body with gamma rays”, are you trying to be funny sir, “no I’m trying to be sarcastic but you seem to have missed that one”. 1-0 to me as they couldn’t be bothered with the hassle and I was advised not to travel with liquids that weren’t in a plastic bag, “really, they teach you that at TSA school”.

Time for a coffee, eating in or out sir, “neither actually I’m drinking it in”, stares of disbelief, then, adds 20p to the price, “is the 20p for correcting your mistake or something else”, we add 20p for sitting tax, “get real, I’ll have it in a takeaway then and stand at the table”, I’ve already poured it, “so pretend you’re in customer service and repor it”. 2-0!

And now it looks like it’s training school at the gate, showing a trainee muppet how to check a passport, picture, check, in date, check, has a boarding pass, check, awesome, I could do this job!

Now then, where’s that runway!

posted by the biker daddy.